Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend
and kills him. Wife says, "If you keep on behaving like this, you'll lose
ALL your friends"

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Send me a brother."
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress.

What's the difference between stress, tension, and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she had missed one, and my mom fainted, dad
had a heart attack, & our neighbor ran away.

A woman asks a man who is traveling with six children, "Are all these kids
yours??"
The man replies sarcastically, "No, I work in a condom factory and these
are
customer complaints."

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and
confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son. I'm confident about that. Your friend over there
is also my son. That's confidential!"

SEVEN KINDS OF SEX:

Body: Seven Kinds Of Sex

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you
first meet someone
and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.This is when you have been with
your partner for a
short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the
kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with
your partner
for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only
in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with
your partner
for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say " f...
you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. Which means you get Nun in the
morning, Nun in
the Afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex.This is when you cannot stand
your wife any
more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security
Sex. You get a little
each month. But not enough to live on.